I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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