I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
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If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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