Jerry, you need to find god
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
