you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Houston, we have a squirter
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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