No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
