We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
