i already hear my dad disowning me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
