No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
