amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
