Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
