I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
