I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
