Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
