note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
