No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Your dad touched me again.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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