grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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