Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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