They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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