Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
