and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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