HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
