yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
