brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
