I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
