And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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