Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
