I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
