dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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