He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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