So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
