i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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