I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
