Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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