So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
