Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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