I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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