my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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