I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
