Only a mothe r could love this liver
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
