I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize