She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
