She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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