Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
