I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
