Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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