I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
