I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
