I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
