Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
