Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
