a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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