You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize