Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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