Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
ok first of all what the fuck
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
