on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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