I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
