Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
