I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I did not marry a roomba.
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