Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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