Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
