you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
