i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Randomize
