I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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