she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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