i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
