Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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