Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
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Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
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