Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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