I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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