someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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