it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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