I'm drive I can fine osifer
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
