Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
