Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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