u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just invented taco cereal.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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