Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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